Thursday, January 12, 2017

Back again... I've used this title before....

Losing weight and being healthy will be a life long thing for me. Since 2011, I have lost and gained the same 50-80 lbs. Every time I lose it, I swear I will not gain it back....and yet here I am.

In the last year and a half, my life has completely changed.
 It's changed for the good.
                  &
It's changed for the bad. 

Let's get the bad out of the way.... I lost my mom, I lost my papa. It is such a hard thing for anyone to grasp unless they have been through it themselves, but being in your 30's and have no parents left is a very hard thing to deal with. It is a scary thing. I swear to God, you have no idea how much you need or rely on your parents until they are gone. 

SO many of your relationships change when you lose people close to you. When the death(s) happens, you can't get people to leave you alone. My phone never stopped ringing, people never stopped bringing over food or taking me out to eat, the cards filled my mailbox daily and I couldn't find a second alone. 

Fast forward to a few months after the death(s) happens, my phone stopped ringing, people stopped checking on me, the food stopped being dropped off, my mail box was empty and that second alone I desperately wanted I got everyday for seconds on end. I feel like some people just stopped knowing what to say to me or stopping know how to act around me. Other people just thought things should go back to normal...

How?

People went on with their own lives and I was left to figure mine out. And when people you thought would be there your whole life just disappear or only come around a few times a year, the struggle can be oh so real. 

Here I am, almost a year and a half later and I'm still trying to figure it. I am still trying to figure out what my normal is. 


Now for the good!

I have the best man in my life. He has a son and he has become such a good part of my life too. My boyfriend has been the biggest blessing in my life. We met shortly before I lost my mom and papa. He saw me at my worst...twice.. we had plenty of struggles and issues but he is still here. I truly have no idea how I would have been over the past year if he was not in my life. What a gift he is. Love him. 

My friends! Man, when crisis hits you really do find out who your real friends are. Not the people that pop up when its in the moment, but the people who have been there and are still there. Reconnecting with old friends over the past year has been awesome. Old memories become new again and it's a good feeling knowing you have great people in your corner. 

And that bring me to now.... 
after a year plus of struggling and piecing my normal together, I am ready to get my health back on track. I am so sick of feeling fat and feeling so sluggish. I will never be a size 2 but I am ready to be healthy and happy. 

One of my 2017 goals is to have my blog up and running again. I love doing this and it helps me so much during my journey. I look forward to sharing my strengths and my struggles with you. 

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